27 June 2011

Tuesday’s Show & Tail

I can’t give a proper title to this post as the object in the pictures has no name at this time. If you have been following this blog or my cross stitch blog you know that my cat, Sandy, went missing last Thursday evening. She has not shown up as of this post. I am still heartbroken over her disappearance and hope that she is safe and that she returns home to us soon.

In the meantime, I told my dad last night that I intended to pick up a kitten from my grandma’s house. I did that earlier today and would like to share with you the newest member of my family:

IMG_1277IMG_1278

My sister and I are trying to come up with a name for him. I have had a few suggestions from some stitchy friends over on my cross stitch blog as well as one from my dad. Once a decision is made, I will reveal his name to you all.

His eyes are matted with an infection and my sis suggested cleaning them several times a day with peroxide on a cotton ball. Hopefully this will clear up in a few days. He will also be seeing my vet in a few days for his first visit. At this time, though, he is peacefully sleeping on my bed.

26 June 2011

Meet Me on Monday

Well, this is my third MMoM post and so far it is interesting! Here are this week’s questions:
Questions:
1.  What is your favorite food?
2.  What color scheme is your bedroom?
3.  Do you carry a donor card?
4.  In your opinion, is the glass half empty or half full?
5.  Vanilla or Chocolate?

**************************
Before I go into my answers, I would like to share with you that my cat has now been missing since Thursday evening – that is 3 days. I spent much of today between tears and sleep as I miss her terribly. I just hope she is safe and being taken care of wherever she is and that she returns home soon. In the meantime, I spoke with my dad tonight to let him know my intention of picking up my kitten from my grandma’s tomorrow (Monday). He didn’t object but suggested I make sure Ebenezer is the one I want. I guess he’s a bit wild toward my dad, but he was so sweet to me a few days ago.
I will be OK. This too shall pass.
Now, my answers:
Answers:
1.  What is your favorite food?
That’s a toss up between Italian5 cheese ziti and Mexicantaquitos



2.  What color scheme is your bedroom?
Blue
3.  Do you carry a donor card?
NOPE, it’s not that I am against it. I just never opt to be an organ donor.


4.  In your opinion, is the glass half empty or half full?
Depends on my mood, LOL


half full or empty
5.  Vanilla or Chocolate?
Vanilla since this is the choice.vanilla I am not a huge fan of chocolate but do like
German Chocolate Cake german choco
and Mint Chocolate Ice Creammint choco

24 June 2011

Have You Seen Me?

IMG_0096

I seem to have lost my way. My owner misses me something fierce and she is probably crying her eyes out waiting for me to come home. You see, I punched out the screen, AGAIN, and decided to take a stroll. I have been gone since around 6pm Thursday evening. I am sure my family is looking for me, but I am having too much fun! I hope they aren’t mad.

*******

Yes, that is my Sandy and she disappeared on Thursday evening. She has never ventured away from our home, typically staying in the carport whenever she punches a screen out. She gets into trouble when she does that. This time, she took off and I haven’t been able to find her. Everyone says “She’ll come back”, but I am not so sure. I miss her so much. I cried myself to sleep last night and probably will tonight too. It’s especially hard since my dad goes in for another round of chemo on Monday and will be gone until Wednesday night.

Sandy…PLEASE COME HOME!!!

PB281255

19 June 2011

Meet Me On Monday w/ Never Growing Old

I think this is a great way for us to get to know one another here in blogville! Thanks to Never Growing Old for hosting Meet Me On Monday!!


Questions:

1. What feature of the opposite sex do you notice first?
2. Do you talk to yourself?
3. What is your current relationship status?
4. Do you have a garden?
5. What is your favorite licorice flavor?

And my answers:
1. What feature of the opposite sex do you notice first?

His Smile and His Eyes

2. Do you talk to yourself?

Sometimes
3. What is your current relationship status?

Single and HATING IT
4. Do you have a garden?

Nope, but would love to have an English Garden someday.
5. What is your favorite licorice flavor?
Cherry


14 June 2011

Meet Me on Monday

Thanks, Emmie, for bringing this to our attention!

This is actually found on Never Growing Old and what an interesting idea it is!! Apparently the questions are posted on the Sunday post, so you will have to either become a Follower or keep checking back via the link on my sidebar. Have fun!!

Questions:

1.  What is your favorite yogurt flavor?
2.  Ankle or knee socks? and on the same theme, white socks or coloured??
3.  How is the weather right now?
4.  Are you a fast typer?
5.  Red or White Wine?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ANSWERS:

1.  What is your favorite yogurt flavor?
ICK!



2.  Ankle or knee socks? and on the same theme, white socks or coloured??

 barefoot
Ankle socks, typically white, that is if I even wear any socks. I prefer to be barefoot.



3.  How is the weather right now?

weather


4.  Are you a fast typer?

 type fast
Yes



5.  Red or White Wine?

moscatochateaux
WHITE! I love Riesling and Moscato flavors
Until next time….

11 June 2011

Clarity in the Chaos

Have you ever had one of those moments when the light bulb just clicked on light bulband you think to yourself, “You know, he’s absolutely right!”? Well, that happened for me this morning shortly after 8am. I have spent the past few weeks dealing with a lot of old hurts and emotions, stuff that I buried so deep down that I never thought it would surface. You may have noticed this in my posts as of late. This is a GOOD thing, mind you, as I need to feel this stuff and let go of it once and for all. I guess it’s a healing process long overdue so that I may move on with my life and finally find that happiness I am looking so hard for.

So what was he right about, you may be wondering. Well, the other night, a friend of mine was visiting and we were going to watch another episode of “The Pacific” together. Being that I was in an emotional state and really needed to talk more than anything, I shut the DVD off and just let it all out. A little background: I really like this man, as a friend, and find myself feeling comfortable enough to talk to him about anything. I don’t have many friends like that, so when I find one I tend to latch on…HARD! I don’t love this man in any other way than a friend and still think of him as a cousin (his mom and my uncle were married until 1993 when my uncle passed away). Heck, I still call his mom “Aunt ___” at times. We have a good time together talking about mutual interests and family and it’s all good. But what he said to me was “You are clinging to the first man to show you some affection” (something along those lines).

Ding, ding, ding! The light bulb clicked on this morning and I thought “Man, he’s right about that! And I don’t even love him – at least not in that way!! LOL”. In the midst of this emotional chaos, I had been trying to figure out my feelings for him too. NIGHTMARE! I admit that I am more ready than ever to be in a relationship with a man, however I know what I deserve in a man and what I need. Most importantly, there has got to be mutual feelings, right?! So, as I got ready for work, that comment just really clicked in my brain. And I finally began to have some clarity after the chaos of the past few weeks.

breathe

Now, if this darn Bell’s Palsy would just go away already, all would be right in my world! I sure hope everyone is having a good weekend and I thank you so much for just reading my blog posts as of late. I know they have probably been difficult, boring, or just plain sad, but it helps to get some of this junk out of my system. And, I have been doing a little bit of stitching and will have pics to share very soon!

09 June 2011

Been sad too long…

So I decided to write a poem for today:

 

To Find Someone

 

The most difficult thing

In this world

Is to find someone

Someone that will love you

That will hold you when you’re sad

To wraps his arms around you

And just lay there all night long.

 

The most difficult thing

In this world

Is to find someone

Someone that you can lean on

That shows he cares

In the simplest of ways.

To just sit there next to you

And just listen as you cry.

 

The most difficult thing

In this world

Is to find someone

Someone that is meant for you

That you can connect with

Both intimately and intellectually

And just be.

 

The most difficult thing

In this world

Is to find my someone…

 

9 June 2011

******************************************

That about sums it up. I am more ready than ever to take that next step in my life. I have fears of being alone and I am certain these fears are amplified because of my dad’s illness. I don’t think he’ll die tomorrow or next year, but I also know his day will come. I have spent a lot of time and tears over the past few weeks over this issue in my life. Thinking about what I need in my someone, what I want. Ideally, I want the fairytale ending. Don’t we all!? As little girls we dream of our Prince Charming. I thought I found my Prince at one time, but he turned out to be a poisoned toad.

This is the kind of love I seek. I know it exists. I don’t think it’s asking too much. Well, enough on that! Gonna try to have the patience to allow God to do His will.

Thanks for hopping by…

So Happy to See Ya

05 June 2011

If it’s not one thing…

…It’s another! Yup, on top of my dad’s cancer, I am now dealing with Bell’s Palsy! I am so not happy about it, really frustrated in fact. I take an anti-viral 5 times a day and Prednisone 3 times a day. It doesn’t bother me that I have to take the meds, they will help in time. It’s that the right side of my face is slightly paralyzed making it difficult to talk, laugh, smile, and even see a freakin’ chart to cross-stitch. I haven’t been able to concentrate to stitch and it’s really wearing me thin.

Readers and friends: this is what stress can do to a person! LOL

On a brighter note, I spent part of yesterday at a family reunion and had fun. Always a highlight in my year to visit with other members of our ever-extended family and learn some of our history from them. Like yesterdays topic was on the Civil War and our ancestors (my great-great grandfather and one of his brothers) who fought in the War. For the Confederacy of course! So if any of you Hays/Hayes’s are on here reading my blog and your family is from the Southeastern United States (Virginia’s, Carolina’s, Georgia, Alabama, and Florida) we might just be related in some way!

Today, I was over at my step-Aunt’s house visiting with her, and her son, and one of her daughters came over. She and her daughter eventually left and it was me and her son. We watched NASCAR (they’re making a left turn!) – not one of my favorite things to do – and then watched the first 2 episodes of “The Pacific”. We both have discovered we share a passion for history and so we have been swapping books and spending time together just talking Civil War and other historical stuff. He’s been a Godsend the past month and I am so happy that this part of my extended family is back in my life. I have always liked being around them – even when we were all kids chasing that darn skunk around the house, LOL! Another story for another time.

03 June 2011

Dear John,

I sit here and write this letter to you because I have some things I need to say that have been festering inside me since 1998. That awful year of pain you put me through. Those lies you repeatedly told me. If only you would have been truthful about what you did to that little girl. If only you would have been truthful about being caught with that co-worker, in our bed, in MY LINGERIE! It has been too many years that I have let you control my emotions. Do you realise that I have had a very difficult time trusting men since then? Do you realise that I have been an emotional shut-in since then? I don’t think you realise just how deeply what you did affected me. I don’t even think you care and that’s alright because I WILL NOT let it control me anymore. I release all of that hurt and pain you created to the wind. I know you got what you deserved in all of that mess, now that you HAVE TO REGISTER for the rest of your life! HA!!! You should have known better. You really should have known better! Me and John

Forgiveness is something that has to be given in order for a person to move on. Well, John Bevis Norbert, I forgave you a LONG time ago. I have never forgotten and probably never will, but that’s alright. It makes me a stronger person. It makes me realise just what kind of man I need and deserve. And it damn sure ain’t someone like you! I try to remember all of the good times we had before you hurt me like you did. It’s hard at times, but there were many. I have never understood why you decided it was alright to do that to her. And why you decided that having a girl in our bed while my dad was away was alright. I will never understand that. I didn’t do anything to you to deserve that. Not one damn thing and you know it! You decided that you wanted what you wanted and went after it. Consequences be damned! Well, the consequences are your registering. You are alone, my friend, and I don’t think any woman would want you after learning about 1998.

You couldn’t honestly believe that after being reported to the child’s doctorJohn3 you would get away with it! I mean, c’mon man! I always thought you were smarter than that!! Then again, you proved to me that you really weren’t all that smart. YOU LET ME GET AWAY! You actually pushed me away! I just needed you to be honest with me. Remember when we signed the divorce papers that summer? You wanted to give me a hug but I wouldn’t let you touch me. Why would I! You did everything in your power to hold me away from you. You didn’t want that marriage anymore. You had proven that. So why did you marry me anyway!? I mean, you could have saved me the heartache. Did you ever even love me? Probably not. Definitely not the way I loved you. I would have given anything to keep our marriage intact after all of that went down. You just needed to be honest about what happened and we needed to go to counseling together to get through it.

Well, you didn’t knock me down completely John! I am here to tell you that I am a stronger woman than I was back then. I am able to forgive those who did me wrong. I have managed to earn not just an Associate Degree, but a Bachelor’s and then a Master’s as well. I am making something of my life WITHOUT YOU IN IT! Oh, don’t get me wrong. I still think about you from time to time. Sometimes it’s the good memories. John at Disneyland 1997John at Disneyland 19972Other times, it’s the bad. I have googled you online and found out you have to register. I know you have been living not to far from my first, and he knows it too. I feel at times that you have been following me, but then again it’s probably just a coincidence you wound up living that close to me after I left Las Vegas. I know that no matter how far away I think I am, you may always be 2 steps behind me. I wouldn’t even be surprised if you are near me now! For your sake, I hope not.

John 5I have so much more to say to you, but I don’t quite know how to express them at this time. Stay tuned as I am sure I will write you again! I hope you google yourself someday and find this (these) posts and you cry and cry and CRY like a baby! You deserve happiness, don’t get me wrong. But you also need to face what you did and atone for those mistakes. Not just to God, but to those you  hurt! Believe me, I am not the ONLY one that got hurt through all of this. You hurt your kids a long time ago. I am sure you hurt the other women in your life before and since me. You are so fucking selfish it’s unbelievable! And you called me co-dependent. I didn’t depend on you too awful much because you really had nothing to offer other than the love I thought you had for me and the companionship we once shared. Other than that, monetarily speaking, you had NOTHING. You had children to support, and I understood and respected that. And when I got sick and you had to be called back home, I wasn’t dependent on you then. It was your duty as a spouse to come home and take care of me. Nobody else could deal with it nor could they stand to watch me lose my freaking mind. No, it really wasn’t because you were away. It’s because I KNEW you were up to no good, especially after that call from Hong Kong. The way you were begging me to forgive you. It wasn’t that you were drinking heavily. It’s that you were FUCKING around while there! I could have forgiven that too had you been honest at the time. I just hope it was only with women!

Well, enough of this rant for now! I know I will return to this at another time. And my words may be just as harsh and hurt you just as deep. And I hope they do hurt! I want you to feel the pain you caused me.