A BIG Birthday for me!

I am 40! Yup, just turned the BIG 4-0 today. It was official around 12:30pm est. I know I was born around lunchtime, I just don't feel like digging out the 'ole baby book to get the exact time for ya, lol! Anyhooo, here is what I looked like at 39:

And now, at 40:

No, not any change really. Just another number, lol!







I did get some beautiful flowers from my mom today:

Meet Me on Monday!

Well, I had a rather interesting Mother’s Day. Even though my child is not among the physically living, she is always with me in spirit. It’s true, I carry her around everywhere. I guess that’s my way of saying that when I miscarried in 1995, her tissues were absorbed back into my bloodstream.

I also went to a baby shower yesterday and had a great time! Other than that, not much else happening in my life. So, I will get on with this week’s Q & A for Meet Me on Monday!

Questions:
1.  For Mother's Day I _________
2.  What is your favorite dish that your Mom makes?
3.  Who are you a "Mom" too?
4.  What did you have for Mother's Day dinner?
5.  What is your fondest memory of your Mom?

And my answers:

Questions:
1.  For Mother's Day I went to church (grandma joined us) and went to a baby shower later in the afternoon. Pretty non-eventful!

2.  What is your favorite dish that your Mom makes?

My mom is the first to admit she is not the best cook, but I did always enjoy her goulash. Now, my grandma always made the best boiled cabbage with just the right amount of butter.

3.  Who are you a "Mom" too?

My daughter’s name is Brinea (Bree nay uh). She did not live to grow up in the physical world, however, she is with God. I also played a big role in my niece’s life from age 3 to 8. She’s now 14…OMG!

4.  What did you have for Mother's Day dinner? I had finger sandwiches and potato chips.

5.  What is your fondest memory of your Mom? Seeing how proud she was of me when I completed my Bachelor’s Degree at Michigan State in 2006.

Really?! Are you freaking kidding me?!!

If you want comedy relief, please join my family! I mean, I thought I knew some people quite well but I am learning that I really don’t. I don’t know when I have ever been around family members who are in such a rush to “get it done”. I mean c’mon! Do you really think it’s the right time to think about making a big move when you are not divorced yet and you are about to lose your job and you are not financially stable?! REALLY?!?! Maybe I just need to vent right now, but I am so sick of people thinking that they need to rush into everything. STOP, TAKE A BREATH and for crying out loud GET YOUR FREAKING LIFE TOGETHER!!!

And the other one. I mean REALLY!?!? You really think that you aren’t pushing me away?! You choose a guy over your family. You tell me to call anytime and we can talk but when I do you are constantly distracted by him or other people around you. And I am trying to keep it together for myself. Did you really think I wouldn’t take to heart the things you told me last year as we began to get close? Are you kidding me when you say that you won’t let a man come before God? Well, you have done just that! Yeah, I said it!! Don’t get me wrong. I am happy that you found someone that treats you like a princess, but SERIOUSLY!?! And you don’t want me to give you crap over it when I was just KIDDING! GROW UP!! The world does not revolve around you, nor does it around me!

I am a woman of God! No MAN is going to come between me and my GOD or my family. I never have allowed for that and never ever will. If you read this, I am sorry if it hurts you but you gotta know that it pains me to know that I feel like I am losing certain people in my family. No MAN is going to suggest that I move knowing full and well that I just got into a place and can barely make ends meet. No MAN is going to offer me money to get things taken care of when I know I can’t repay him. I will simply say “No Thank You”. I really don’t think that GOD wants me to become so dependent on other people that I can’t think for myself and am constantly making bad decisions in my life. I could be wrong and that means He really has a great sense of humor. He must have. He put me in the family that I am, lol!

All bitchiness aside, I am truly thankful for my family. I wouldn’t trade them in for anything. I just need to be wiser about how I deal with them I guess. I mean, I am truly tired of playing second fiddle to every single person that I once held so close to my heart. I know that I need to find my own life. After being alone for so many years, it is really difficult. When I have put my trust in someone, it has been stomped on (like last summer and the way a certain person acted toward me). But I just gotta say, this family truly is comedy relief for me.

MMoM #66

This year is just flying by, don’tcha know!? I can’t believe summer is almost here. It seems like we just left winter behind. Of course, we are now beginning our monsoon season here in Florida. Today being no exception, it is trying to rain as I type this.

Here are this week’s questions for Meet Me On Monday.

Questions:
1.  I wish _________
2.  If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be?
3.  Do you like to cook?
4.  What do you like to do to get exercise?
5.  How tidy are you?

Before I get to my answers, I just wanted to update you, my readers, on my dad’s condition. If you remember, he was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer last year (April). He has been receiving chemo treatments in varying forms since May. Currently, he is about halfway through his third drug and going in for another CT Scan in about a month. I sure hope this stuff is doing the trick and stopping any further growth/damage to his insides. He has been a trooper, but this drug has been making him ill.

Personally, I have a lot of decisions to make over the next several months. No, we don’t have a prognosis other than there is no cure. I had a grandma survive 3 years after diagnosis with this cancer, so I am hoping we have at least 2 more years with him. That said, I have been feeling the emotional pressures quite a bit. How do I deal with all of that? I don’t know, but somehow I am. I can honestly say that I am not getting much emotional support from those who I thought would be there for me. Instead, they have their own agenda’s now and what I thought was a stronger relationship building between us has become unraveled. I blame one person and it’s not me nor is it the other person. I blame a 3rd person for pulling the other away.

Which leads me to one of the decisions I have to make: where am I going to live when the inevitable happens? I sure as hell am not staying around here. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Florida. I just know that I don’t want to be around those who continue to bring me down emotionally acting like they care when really they don’t. I could be wrong in this but the actions as of late have pointed in that direction. So, I will repeat here what I posted on my FB last night:

“I was there for you when you needed me. I was there for you when you were afraid. I was there for you when you were crying and depressed. But, when I needed you, you could not be bothered.”

Well, enough of that! Here are my answers:

1.  I wish I weighed 100 lbs less than I do at this time.

Ideal weight on left; what I looked like in 2004 (not changed much since)

2.  If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? This is a tough one. I guess it would be the first Space Shuttle launch – in person of course.

3.  Do you like to cook? That would be a NO, however I am a good cook.

4.  What do you like to do to get exercise? Currently, my exercise routine consists of walking, walking and more walking. I work in a prison. There’s a lot of walking to and from my office, lol. I’d say I get about a mile in each day.

5.  How tidy are you? Depends on my mood. I have been in an “I don’t care” mood for a few years, so not too tidy. I do know where everything is so it’s all good!

Well, that’s about it for me. “C-ya” next time!

My Favorite Day of the Year

How many of us really know the origins of May Day? Most of us know that it is the 1st day of May. I know that it means 20 more days until my birthday. But do you really know where and why it all began??

The earliest May Day celebrations appeared in pre-Christian times, with the festival of Flora, the Roman goddess of flowers, and the Walpurgis Night celebrations of the Germanic countries. It is also associated with the Gaelic Beltane. Many pagan celebrations were abandoned or Christianized during the process of conversion in Europe. A more secular version of May Day continues to be observed in Europe and America. In this form, May Day may be best known for its tradition of dancing the maypole dance and crowning of the Queen of the May. Various Neopagan groups celebrate reconstructed (to varying degrees) versions of these customs on May 1st.

The day was a traditional summer holiday in many pre-Christian European pagan cultures. While February 1 was the first day of Spring, May 1 was the first day of summer; hence, the summer solstice on June 25 (now June 21) was Midsummer. In the Roman Catholic tradition, May is observed as Mary's month, and in these circles May Day is usually a celebration of the Blessed Virgin Mary. In this connection, in works of art, school skits, and so forth, Mary's head will often be adorned with flowers in a May crowning. Fading in popularity since the late 20th century is the giving of "May baskets," small baskets of sweets and/or flowers, usually left anonymously on neighbours' doorsteps.^{[2] (Taken from Wikipedia).}

^{I remember, as a kid, picking wildflowers on May 1st every year and leaving them for someone to find. It was always an exciting day for me. The flowers consisted primarily of dandelions, but on occasion we would find other flowers. Mom and grandma were the main recipients.} 

^{I also remember singing this song:}

Here We Go Round The Maypole High,

The Maypole High, The Maypole High,

Here We Go Round The Maypole High,

Let The Coloured Ribbons Fly,

Let The Coloured Ribbons Fly.

See Lasses And Lads Go Tripping By,

Go Tripping By, Go Tripping By,

See Lasses And Lads Go Tripping By,

Let The Coloured Ribbons Fly,

Let The Coloured Ribbons Fly.