21 September 2010

The Hardest Thing…

…about moving to Florida several years ago is not being close enough to visit my niece whenever I IMG_0020want. Now, she is becoming a teenager, although not officially until next February, and is starting to show more independence. I am missing her so much. She was a huge part of my life from 2001 until 2006 when I moved away. I only get to see her when she comes down during summer vacation for about a month or so, or when I go to visit my family in MI. That’s not enough in my heart, but in my mind it is what it is.

There were several factors which led to my decision to leave Michigan. The main factor is my family here. I never got to spend much time with my paternal grandparents and now with only one grandparent remaining, dad’s mom, I felt the need to be closer to her. She will be 85 years young next month and I am lucky to still have her in my life. My father also lives in FL, as does my sister and her family, several cousins, aunts and uncles. Another factor was the weather. I was never one for colder temps and I spent 10 years in the desert southwest (Cali, Las Vegas, and Northern AZ). Returning to MI in 2001 and spending those long cold winters there was difficult on my psych and my health – I get bronchitis rather easily and have only dealt with it once in the last 4 years while dealing with it every year I was in MI. No, I don’t have COPD.

pasco Since moving down here, I have been let go from 2 very good jobs. The first one was at the end of my probation period. I think they just wanted to bring the girl I replaced back after her maternity leave and made excuses. The other one lasted almost 2 years and I was blindsided by that one. I won’t go into details here in blog-land, but it’s been a rough 2 years since that last termination. I really have no desire to work a full time job at this moment in my life, but I know that I need to so that I may become more independent. I have my Master’s of Art degree, finally, and will hopefully find a full time job within the next year. Whether it is here in Central FL or somewhere in between, only time will tell.

This past week has been an especially emotional week for me and missing my niece is not helping at all. She is a couple of years younger than what my daughter would have been (Brinea would be 15 this Dec), which is probably a big reason I became so attached to her. She is the light of my life and I know she knows how much I adore her. I only hope she doesn’t push me away too much because right now my heart is hurting. And knowing how I am responding to her growing independence I am thankful to the Lord for taking my daughter when he did because I don’t think I could have handled it at all.

Ok, that’s enough of my sob story for now. I just needed to vent somewhere and I don’t expect comments. Thank you for reading…

9 comments:

THE OLD GEEZER said...

I pray that God will comfort you as you go through this emotional time in your life. in Jesus Name Amen!

God bless you

~Ron

Colleen - the AmAzINg Mrs. B said...

Ah..that's the great thing about blogging..it's a safe place to fall..we all understnd and are here for you. We all have days and sometimes weeks and months when the bluse just come in an make themselves at home. Eventuall they will leave, but in the meantime, you just know we're praying for you :-)

Annesphamily said...

Prayers are coming your way. Blessings too Anne

Lili said...

Jules I had no idea. My heart's aching for you.
Sending good thoughts your way, knowing that nothing can really help.
HUgs,
Lili

Sue said...

This is why we all blog...at times you do just need to vent...and us fellow bloggers are always there to listen....Sue in Atlanta

Jules said...

Thanks everyone for your comments to this post! Amazingly, I felt better just getting it off my chest - so to speak.

Home In The Hollow said...

Hey there, Jules...nice to meet you! Trust me, you will make it through with the help of your faith, friends and family...:)JP

Carol Mae said...

Thank you for the Aniversary wish. Blessings to you in your trouble time. Carol Mae

Carol Mae said...

Hi Jules, Your entered in my giveaway. Thanks and good luck. Carol Mae