23 January 2013

Shall I Lead or Follow?

I like reading my horoscopes from time to time. Yes, you read that right, horoscopes. You see, I was born in the center of the cusp. For those of you who aren’t familiar, the cusp is a week long transition period between the signs. I am one of the lucky ones who can follow 2 different signs: Taurus and Gemini. So today, I saw something that peaked my interest and thought I would share.

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Leader or follower? Taurus (April 20 – May 20) taurus
When it comes to leading and following, Taurus could go either way. But in many ways, you’re more naturally a follower. With your innate, grounded creativity, you can tweak someone else’s high-flying ideas and create them in the real world. You tend to be careful and thorough, and have excellent determination and endurance – important qualities when it comes to seeing a project through to completion.
However, you also thrive in a leadership position. Stubborn at your core, you don’t like to be pushed; you’ll dig your heels in if someone tries to pressure you to do something you don’t want to do or that you don’t think is right. You also possess a strong moral sense that steers your behavior and decisions, often setting an example for others. In these ways, you’re a leader in your own right.

Leader or follower? Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
geminiOn the surface, Gemini, you’re more naturally a follower. As one of the most flexible signs of the Zodiac, you tend to deal better than most with change, and you’re often of two minds on many issues. You can see both sides of an argument, and when it comes to problem-solving, you have more than one viable idea. That’s why you make an excellent supporting member of a team. You can keep your friends or co-workers laughing and communicating as you offer up ideas and show everyone how to switch directions when needed.
But many of these qualities can also be instrumental in a leadership position. The truth is, you may not fit easily into either the “leader” or “follower” category. Instead, you might be more of a synthesizer – someone who takes several different ideas or approaches and combines them into something new and unique.

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For me personally, I am not much of a leader. I just don’t have the desire for that type of role. However, I will say emphatically (and some might agree), I am STUBBORN to the core like my fellow Taureans. LOL!!!

19 January 2013

Depression

I have been dealing with this illness for many years now. I’ve always been as open as possible with family and friends when it comes to my illness, but there are times when I just want to hide it away and act as if it doesn’t exist. Lately, I have been going through a terrible spell with depression. It’s obvious to those around me that something is not quite right. Life has dealt metumblr_lzsy56WM0o1rpqs5so1_400 blows through the years and I have been able to bury the emotional pain away. It has come to a point in my life where I can no longer bury it; I have to DEAL!

I used to think that my depression was more of a situational thing. You know, something bad happens, you get sad, you move on. I realize more than ever that I have methodically withdrawn from my life. I would make excuses as to why I couldn’t go out with friends or why I shouldn’t be in a relationship with a man or whatever. At first it was that I was going to school and my studies were more important. Then it became the major move I made in my life from Michigan to Florida. Of course, I went on to graduate school so that meant more isolation.

I finished that degree in 2010. I found myself feeling lonely and bored. I still didn’t really want to date anyone, yet longed to be in a relationship. I can’t quite explain that one! I don’t like dating sites or bars. I would much rather meet someone through a mutual friend. Better yet, I would love nothing more than to rekindle the old flame with the love of my life. I recently had this opportunity and it just wasn’t there. Oh, don’t get me wrong, he will always be a great friend in my life and I will always have a special love for him. I just know that I need more than he is willing to give right now. And I don’t think I can wait around, nor do I want to, for him to decide he can. The great thing about our friendship is that I completely respect him; more than he knows. But, I digress…

Depression is a difficult illness to navigate. Sometimes I find myself just wanting to scream because the emotional pain gets to be too much to handle. Other times, I just hide myself away from the world. I take medications. I keep this blog. I have a journal that I also write in (things that I don’t want to share with the world). I find myself wanting to get into the Word more and more. I am trying to find myself again. I am trying to become the best me I can possibly be. psalm 401

Did you know that some of the greatest minds suffered from depression? Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Isaac Newton are just a few.

17 January 2013

Pain

That’s the only way I can describe much of my day today. I went to the hospital thinking it was just for a consult. Had I known what was gonna happen I would have brought someone with me. Couple the physical pain I felt during the procedure with the emotional pain I have been dealing with and I can only say that I am truly thankful I have God on my side. I don’t think I would have made it through without Him today.

Now, I await the results of the biopsy and pray all will be normal. It’s in His hands…

15 January 2013

2013 is off …

…to an interesting start.

It’s been weird adjusting to life without my dad. I miss him every day. Last week was especially difficult for me. I went on a short vacation to visit a dear friend, someone whom I have loved for many years, and watching this man interact with his child made me miss my dad more. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good to miss daddy from time to time and last week was especially bittersweet. I really enjoyed my time there, even though at times I’m sure he didn’t think so, lol. It was a bit awkward as we hadn’t seen one another in a long time. eph 521But, I digress…

While there, I came to some realisations about myself. One of the biggest is one that will remain between me, him and God. The other big one was that I am craving to learn more from God. I have been trying to spend more time in my Bible (I have been informed that I need to get the King James Version and put away my NIV; which I will). I actually do enjoy the olde English better anyway, just a bit rusty at reading that translation.

For this reason, I have decided to make 2013 into my year. My prov 2030year to delve deeper into my faith and understanding of God’s word. My year to make more changes in my personal growth mentally and physically. My year to become a better me and find my way back to the “fighting Irish” woman I once was. The “I don’t take no crap from anyone” woman. I will do this for myself. I will do this for God.

I am also reading a book called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It was recommended and there is a workbook that accompanies it. For right now, I have the text. It is quite eye-opening a slap in the face. After reading the first chapter, I realised everything I did wrong in past relationships. I will strive to be more respectful in my actions and words. And when I am disrespectful, an apology will surely follow. I am glad he recommended this book (among others that will be on my must read for this year).

 eph 533

These are words to live by…