14 March 2011

Family Junk

I call this post "Family Junk" because that's exactly what it is. A lot of junk! My family can be is very dysfunctional. I was hoping we would be able to outgrow some of the junk, but obviously we cannot. I know that no family is perfect. They all have issues, but the issue(s) I am dealing with hurt so very much. I have NO ONE to talk to about how I feel about certain things and when I do all I get is "Oh well" in a real sarcastic tone or "It's just that age". Ok, so she's growing up, but I am so sick and tired of not getting my phone calls returned, being added and deleted from Facebook friend's list, and the snotty attitude. My heart is broken over the way I am treated by this one. I have spent three evenings now in tears and I know I shouldn't be this upset. But I am!

Like I said, I have no one to talk to about this so here I am on my blog venting my frustrations. I am not going to allow comments on this post because I don't want them. I just need a place to vent (and I know that certain people will see this and be upset and I am sorry but it is what it is and until the situation is remedied I have this as the only place to go). A part of me feels that if I just give her space she will come to me when she needs me or wants me. Another part of me feels like "screw you, you little brat" and if and when she needs/wants me maybe I won't be there for her. Yeah, that's a wrong way to handle it but it's how I feel. I really do love her and care about her a lot - maybe too much.

I still wonder if she is mad at me for moving to Florida. It's not like I am her mother. I am just the Aunt. She knows she can come and visit whenever during the summer. She knows that grandpa and I would love to have her here with us for a few weeks during her summer holiday. I relish my time with her and when she pushes me away it really, really hurts. I would almost rather be dead than feel the way I do when she does that, but it's only the way I feel.

They say that time heals all wounds, well we will just have to see about that because this one is gaping and painful!